Sound Byte: Chasing Phantoms

“I was so beautiful before grief” – Amaal Said

Sorry about the radio silence. It has been a whirlwind. I have been falling in and out of love with time, space, and myself. I have been contemplating small shit and forgetting big stuff. I have been trying to commit to myself with an effortlessness that I’m realizing is intentional and the culmination of great practice. I spent so much of my time chasing phantoms. I have been in love with the idea of love. For a long time I craved the taste of your skin, the smell of your neck, the light touch of your fingers up and down my back. I chased you in others. But only saw you in their shadow. It was my projection. I leaped into the arms of men that mimicked who I thought would be like you. I sat too long at dinners with the hope that you would come out in their eyes. I waited for them to kiss me on the forehead because you would. I waited for them to say they adored me and would take care of me because you would. But I realized recently that I was infinity before them, infinity during, and definitely will be infinity after. That I’m loved by sweet people and more importantly that I love myself and today that is enough. I have been recommitting myself to myself in the hopes that I learn to live a full life. I have taken more time to go to the gym, meditate, and eat. I made more time for the people that make my life full. “I was so beautiful before grief” and I am definitely beautiful after it. Here are some songs to help you enjoy yourself.

Songs curated for you…

FKA Twigs, Hide
Chargaux, Five Four
Sade, Soldier of Love
The Weeknd, Rolling Stone
The xx, Crystalised

 

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